


it's only me and you forever, let's face the dawn together

by renhyuck (thereisnoreality)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 23:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16753822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereisnoreality/pseuds/renhyuck
Summary: Movies always portray love as something that consumes your everyday life. It knocks you over, stops you in your tracks and leaves you unable to do anything but exist in it, but drown in it, helpless and paralyzed by it.Jeno would like to tell whoever thought of depicting love as a rosy tinged montage with an indie song playing in the background to sincerely fuck off.





	it's only me and you forever, let's face the dawn together

**Author's Note:**

> this was meant to be a quick fluffy fic about jeno and chenle being cuties. so uh... 
> 
> as always a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/thereisnoreality/playlist/6HfEzpvh7ygt0uEl55NQQ9?si=LWNjZ2wFRlS4OXzUw8E8pg)

Movies always portray love as something that consumes your everyday life. It knocks you over, stops you in your tracks and leaves you unable to do anything but exist in it, but drown in it, helpless and paralyzed by it.

 

Jeno would like to tell whoever thought of depicting love as a rosy tinged montage with an indie song playing in the background to sincerely fuck off. Love doesn’t really consume his daily life, he’s much too busy for that, being shuttled from schedule to schedule until he’s allowed to sink into his bed for two or three blissful hours of sleep before the whole cycle starts again. He doesn’t have the  _ time. _ If he sounds bitter, it’s cause he is, a little bit. He didn’t ask for this, to be so fascinated by the curve of a smile and the sound of a laugh. He didn’t ask to be in love, and yet here he is anyway. 

 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  


Jeno leans his head against the window of the van, ignoring the way his head thumps hard against it. They’re heading to an early performance at some college and it was barely past five in the morning. Even the sun had yet to properly rise, peeking golden fingers over the cloudless gray sky. In the row of seats in front of him, Renjun and Jaemin are giggling over something on Jaemin’s phone, heads pressed together, oblivious of the way Mark is drooling on Jaemin’s shirt. His head slams against the window harder and Jeno winces but doesn’t move away. If he moves, he has to see everything happening in front of him and he’s too tired to fight off the quiet sadness building in his heart. His head is about to slam against the window again, but before it makes an impact, a hand slides in between him and the window, cushioning the blow. 

 

Jeno blinks out of his reverie to find Chenle pressed against his side, arm snaking around his back to reach at the window, while the other is holding his phone up at eye level. He pulls out one earbud, staring at Chenle in confusion. 

 

“You’re hurting yourself,” Chenle murmurs, not taking his eyes off his phone, voice low enough so as to not wake Jisung sprawled across his lap. 

 

“It’s fine.” Jeno whispers, trying to pull Chenle’s hand away. 

 

Chenle makes a quiet noise of disagreement. “How are you supposed to perform with a concussion?” He asks, keeping his hand firmly against the window. “Now, be quiet hyung, I’m trying to watch this.” 

 

Jeno tries to move his hand a few more times but Chenle doesn’t budge. Finally, giving up, Jeno slumps back against the window, nestling his head against Chenle’s hand. 

 

“Thank you.” It’s whispered so quietly he’s sure Chenle won’t hear.

 

Chenle smile widens sweetly, but he doesn’t look away from his phone. “Rest up, hyung.”

  
  


｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  


Jeno doesn’t remember when he first fell in love with Jaemin. They had years of friendship, of surviving training, of working hard together, and at some point, along the long trek to debut, Jeno had fallen for him. He’d never dared say anything because even a blind person would have been able to tell how Jaemin brightened when Renjun walked into the room, how his eyes followed him constantly, how the widest smile was only for him. 

 

However, Jeno does remember the exact moment he started to fall in love with Renjun.

 

It had been about a year before their debut, when Jaemin and Renjun had started tentatively dating, holding hands and blushing a furious red in the way that only teenagers newly in love can. Jeno had stayed late to practice, waving off the others and locking himself in tiny vocal room to run lines until his throat was hoarse. 

 

A tiny knock on the door startles him out of a horrible run. Jeno winces and opens the door to find Renjun standing outside, wringing his hands anxiously. 

 

“I - uh - I was wondering if you wanted go back together?” He stutters in a heavily accented tone. “It’s getting really late.”

 

Jeno tries for a smile. “I think I’m going to be here for a while, you can go ahead.” His throat hurts so badly and his legs are shaking from the dance practice earlier that night, but he’s not going to give up right now. 

 

Renjun purses his lips, and looks up at him. “I think you should come home with me, Jeno-yah,” he says, voice surprisingly firm. “You’re not going to get anything else done tonight and we’ve got evaluations in a week. Ruining your voice isn’t going to help you.”

 

Jeno sighs and shuts the metronome off, giving in easily. “Fine.”

  
  
  
  


The street lights shine off the pavement, making the puddles look like oil on the street, rainbow ribbons gleaming across the still surface. Jeno carefully avoids them, he can’t afford to ask his parents for new sneakers. 

 

“You need to stop pushing yourself so hard,” Renjun says. He has his hands shoved in his pockets, and his hood is up, covering most of his face and Jeno wonders how he can see. 

 

Jeno snorts. “That’s kind of the point of training, Injun-ah.” He winces when the nickname slips out. He’s not close to Renjun, not as much as maybe Chenle or even Jaemin is, certainly not close enough to drop nicknames on him. 

 

“There’s no point in ruining your voice so badly you can’t even debut.” Renjun points out, tipping his head up to look at the sky, jostling his hood off in the process. 

 

Jeno can’t help the slightly bitter laugh that escapes him. Debut seems like an impossible goal. There’s been whispers of a new group around the company for ages but a year has passed with the same rumours and so far, nothing had happened. Jeno’s learnt to ignore the gossip. “Do you think I’ll even debut?” It’s meant to come out deprecating, a little angry, but it just sounds sad. 

 

Renjun comes to a stop in the middle of the empty street and looks over at him, eyes clear. Jeno stops as well and looks back. The neon sign behind him lights up Renjun, casting an unearthly blue glow on him. “Yes,” he says simply. “You will. You’ve worked too hard not to.” 

 

“What about you?” Jeno asks out of curiosity. “Do you think you’ll debut?”

 

Renjun smiles. “I’ve got hope,” he says. “You should too.”

 

Without thinking, Jeno reaches up and tugs Renjun’s hood back up around his head, hand lingering by his cheek, before pulling back quickly. “I’ll try,” he says, clearing his throat. 

 

Renjun just smiles wider at him and starts off again, jumping over a puddle. Jeno watches him go, and there’s a faint stirring in his chest. Jeno just rubs at it, trying to dispel the weird fluttering and jogs to catch up with Renjun. 

  
  


｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  


It’s been a hellishly long week. They’ve been rushed around for comeback schedules and interviews and photoshoots, and Jeno’s eyes feel like they’re rubbing against sandpaper every time he blinks. 

 

He’s trying to keep his head upright for the stylist to mold the crazy white mess atop his head into something that’s nice to look at, while also trying to catch a mini nap. He gives up when she  _ tsks  _ annoyed for the fifth time as his head dips, and just pinches his thigh to keep himself awake, watching the chaos happening behind him through the mirror. 

 

Donghyuck is passionately arguing against a pair of shorts that had been handed to him, throwing around words like  _ loss of dignity _ and  _ infantile _ and waving his hands in the air. “I’m  _ not _ wearing them,” Donghyuck snaps, folding his arms and standing as far away from the irate stylist as he can. Jeno privately thinks that’s very wise. The stylists tend to get cranky easily and that only results in uglier clothing and misplaced pins at the next fitting session.

 

“It’s a sailor concept,” their manager sighs despairingly, clutching his coffee to his chest as if it’s the last thing keeping him awake. “No one else is complaining. Look at Renjun and Mark, they’re being quiet and  _ calm.  _ Why can’t you do that?”

 

Donghyuck’s expression darkens. “I’m pretty sure sailors also wear pants,” he spits. “And Mark’s calm because he’s weak and doesn’t care about his shorts because they’re several inches longer than mine.” His voice rises steadily over the sentence. “And Renjun’s only quiet about that beret because he’s been on his phone giggling with Jaemin all morning.”

 

Jeno tunes out the manager’s exasperated yelling and glances over at Renjun who has his headphones in and is ignoring the chaos around him with admirable tenacity. He’s got a wide smile on his face and is rapidly texting. Jeno’s heart rises a little at the bright look on his face and then falls again because he remembers that that smile is not meant for him. He pinches his thigh again and looks back at the mirror. He can’t afford to get distracted, not now, when they have a whole day of performing to do. 

 

It’s an awful thing to say but they’re slowly getting used to not having Jaemin around, slowly filling in the gaps left by him but Jeno still can’t get over sleeping in the same room as an empty bed. Still can’t get used to having his best friend gone. He blinks rapidly, pinching his thigh again and sits up straight as the stylist turns on the hair dryer, loud enough to drown out the needling thoughts in his head. 

  
  
  
  


It’s only when they’re waiting to go on stage, standing in a crumpled mess backstage, anticipation rising in their chest as they see their fans file in, that Jeno notices the dark bruise on his thigh, red and purple, small and vicious. He frowns down at it and rubs his thumb across it, testing how much it will hurt. A hand slides into his before he can do any more and Jeno looks up, startled, to see Chenle jumping restlessly next to him, hand loosely entwined with his. 

 

“Aren’t you excited, Jeno hyung?” Chenle asks, beaming at him. His violet hair stands out like a beacon amongst the wave of dark clothing worn by the staff. Though, they all stand out a little, in their sailor outfits and rainbow hair. “We’re having our first stage!”   
  


Jeno smiles at him, letting Chenle cling to him as he bounces up and down on his toes. “Yeah, it’s exciting.” 

 

Chenle’s smile widens, impossibly, beautifully, and Jeno is struck for a second before they’re being ushered onto stage to the tune of a hundred screaming voices, waving little lights furiously in the air. 

  
  


｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  


It  _ hurts _ having Jaemin back. It hurts like a fucking double edged sword, having his best friend back. It hurts watching his first love loudly proclaim his affection for his second love. Jeno knows he’s being selfish, that not everything revolves around him but he can’t help but feel a little destroyed every time Jaemin kisses Renjun’s cheek or everytime Renjun smiles at Jaemin like he does to no one else. 

 

Jeno’s been in love for three exhausting years and he just wants it to stop. The problem is, he doesn’t know  _ how _ . 

  
  


｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  


Jeno’s in a surprisingly good mood. They’re on their way to LA to finally film their music video and the airport is full of fans, waving and smiling, cameras permanently plastered to their face. Despite the rush of people and the fact that they’re running late for the plane, Jeno feels light and happy. 

 

“You’re in a good mood,” Donghyuck observes quietly as they pass through security, slinging their stuff into the bins with a long practiced ease. 

 

Jeno shrugs, smiling. “I’m happy,” he says simply. 

 

Donghyuck bumps against his shoulder, looking fond. “I’m glad,” he says. “You’ve been looking sad lately, Jeno-yah.”

 

Jeno winces. He’d thought he’d been hiding it well. “Oh, uh, it’s nothing,” he brushes off, trying for casual. “Don’t worry about it.”

 

Donghyuck hums. “I’m always here if you want to talk, you know that right?” He looks knowing for a fraction of a second and Jeno panics a little. “Even if you don’t want to talk to anyone else.”

 

Jeno swallows hard, trying to speed up a little, but Donghyuck easily matches his pace. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

 

Donghyuck backs off. “Fine,” he says, slowing down and letting Jeno move past him. “I’ll let you go this time,” he says warningly. “But you’re going to have to talk sometime.”

 

Jeno just rolls his eyes at Donghyuck and walks faster to catch up to their manager at the front, bumping into Chenle’s side in his haste. 

 

“Sorry,” he says quickly but Chenle just laughs and ducks under Jeno’s arm, slinging over his shoulder as they speed past fans, waving merrily to his fansites. 

 

“Ah, hyung,” Chenle says brightly. “I didn’t know you liked me this much.” He tugs at Jeno’s fingers which are dangling over his shoulder. 

 

Jeno’s lips twist into an unconscious smile. “You’re tolerable,” he sniffs, tugging Chenle closer. 

 

“Whatever you say hyung,” Chenle sings, turning his head and grinning at him, and Jeno’s heart stutters faintly, too faint to be noticeable. 

  
  


｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  


The roof is nice, the balmy wind of LA brushing across Jeno’s face as he sits on an outcropping of exposed brick and tips his head back to observe the sky. The stars are slightly more visible here than they are back home, glinting with a surprising strength despite the vibrant glow of city lights shining below them. 

 

Jeno likes LA. It’s crowded and noisy, loud enough to drown out any unsavoury thoughts, big enough to lose himself in, even when surrounded by a large staff at all times. The weather has been unendingly kind to them the past few days and Jeno wants to experience a little more of it, along with the peaceful silence on this roof before descending down to the chaos in their hotel rooms. 

 

The door to the roof opens and Jeno’s heart drops, praying it won’t be who he’s dreading. 

 

“Hyung?” Chenle calls, stepping out onto the roof. “You up here?”   
  
“Around the corner,” Jeno calls back, incredibly relieved. 

 

Chenle rounds the wall and Jeno bursts out laughing the second he sees him. Chenle is wearing bright blue pajamas, cute brown bears dotting the fabric. “What are you wearing?” He asks giggling, as Chenle hauls himself onto the brick, dusting off the ground beneath him before sitting down. 

 

“I was ready for bed,” Chenle sniffs but he doesn’t seem offended as Jeno pinches the edge of his sleeve, observing the wide eyes of the bear. It looks a little like Donghyuck when he pouts. Jeno makes a mental note to buy the pajamas for his next birthday. “Manager-hyung wanted to know where you were. I told him I’d find you.”

 

“How long did you look?” Jeno says, the giggles subsiding and feeling slightly bad. He hadn’t meant to uproot Chenle from what seemed to be a long night of video games in his bed. 

 

“This was the first place I checked,” Chenle snorts. “You’re not that sneaky, hyung.”

 

“I could be,” Jeno points out, vaguely offended. “I could have started wandering the streets, all by myself, a true wandering vagabond.”

 

“You always go for the heights when you’re feeling off,” Chenle says easily, tucking his legs underneath him and shivering as the wind whips around them. His shirt must be too thin. “And you’re not cool enough to be a vagabond, hyung, don’t delude yourself.”

 

Jeno blinks at him, too thrown off by the easy observation to protest the slight on his person. “I-” he starts incredulously. “No, I don’t?” 

 

Chenle hums, tucking his knees to his chest and propping his chin on them. “Yes, you do. Every time you had a bad evaluation or a shitty day, we always found you on the roof.” He tips his head up to look at the sky. “Though I kinda get why you do so, it’s very pretty up here.” 

 

Jeno just stares at him speechless. He doesn’t think he was a very transparent person, not like Donghyuck who showed every emotion on his face and didn’t care who was watching, but Chenle seems to be able to sense every shift in Jeno’s mood and it unnerves him. The silence carries on with Jeno watching Chenle and Chenle watching the clouds pass lazily over head only broken by Chenle shivering again as the wind sweeps around them.

 

“Here,” Jeno unzips his jacket and hands it to Chenle. 

 

“I don’t need it,” Chenle protests but Jeno just rolls his eyes and throws the jacket over Chenle’s unresisting shoulders, leaving him to slide his arms in. “Thanks, hyung.” Chenle pulls the sleeves over his hands and cups his nose in them, blowing hot air on his hands. 

 

Jeno smiles. “You’re the one who braved this horrible weather to come rescue me from the dangerous rooftop,” he gestures at the setting sun, casting pink and gold across the sky, the chirping of birds a sweet background melody accompanying the coming of night. 

 

Chenle smiles back at him, but it lacks any of the usual strength. He opens his mouth, hesitates for a second before asking, quietly, tentatively. “You’re not very happy are you, Jeno hyung?”

 

Jeno freezes at the unexpected question. “What makes you think that?” He asks cautiously. First Donghyuck, and now Chenle, he really needs to get a grip. At this rate even Mark would notice in a month. 

 

Chenle shrugs, turning to look back at the horizon. “You don’t talk as much as you used to, and you don’t smile very much and I know you’re sad about Renjun and Jaemin hyung because you’re in love with them and they love each other and it’s kind of being pushed in your face since Jaemin hyung came back.”

 

Jeno stares at him open mouthed. He’d thought he was hiding it well, he’d thought he was doing a good job. “O-oh.” Is all he manages, faintly. 

 

Chenle looks sympathetically at him. “I’m sorry, hyung.”

 

“How long have you known?” Jeno croaks out.

 

Chenle hums, thinking. “Maybe since My First and Last? You were different after Jaemin hyung left and I thought it was maybe because he was gone, but it wasn’t, was it?”

 

Well Jeno’s clearly going to have to pack up and move out of the country because the current humiliation sweeping over him is too strong to ever look Chenle in the face again. “Am I that obvious?” He says self-deprecatingly, hating himself even more when Chenle looks at him with wide eyes. 

 

“No,” he rushes to say. “Not at all, I wasn’t even really sure till this year, hyung. And I don’t think any of the others know.”

 

“Donghyuckie might,” Jeno mutters looking down at his jeans, tugging at the loose strands hanging off. 

 

“Well, Donghyuck hyung is an exception in everything,” Chenle says staunchly and a laugh spills unbidden from Jeno’s mouth. 

 

They sit in silence for a while, Jeno picking at his jeans and wondering how to say what he’s been trying to say for days, what he’s known for years.

 

“I don’t want to be,” he blurts finally, wincing when Chenle looks away from the sky, back down at him, brown eyes clear and wide. “I don’t want to be in love with them. I hate it, it makes me miserable and I thought I’d get over it when Jaemin came back but I  _ can’t _ .”

 

“Oh, hyung,” Chenle breathes and Jeno ducks his head, heat flooding his face. “I’m sorry.” 

 

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Jeno mumbles. “I’m just being dramatic and dumb.”

 

“Don’t invalidate your feelings like that,” Chenle scolds, scooting over and laying his head on Jeno’s shoulder. “You deserve to be happy too.”

 

Jeno flushes. He wonders how to express his gratitude to Chenle, for coming and keeping him company, for making him feel like he’s worth something and comes up with nothing. Finally, Jeno tips his head so it’s resting gently atop Chenle’s and sighs, staring across the vast expanse of the city skyline, tracing the patterns of blinking lights with his gaze. It’s a beautiful sight, pretty enough to make him feel a little bit better. “Thanks Lele.” 

 

Chenle gently pats his thigh. “Anytime, hyung.” 

  
  


｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  


A soft knock on the door shakes Jeno out of his doze. He rolls over in his bed, blinking blearily at the door and makes a noise of assent to let them come in. His chest tightens when he sees Donghyuck’s multi coloured head poke around the corner. 

 

“What do you want?” Jeno asks grumpily, already scooting over. He knows from past experience that it’s best to give Donghyuck room beforehand or he’ll just end up on the floor from his forced cuddling. 

 

“I think,” Donghyuck says carefully and his hesitation makes Jeno look up in alarm. Donghyuck is never hesitant, he says what he wants, when he wants and damn the consequences. “I think, we need to have that talk now.” 

 

Jeno freezes as Donghyuck pushes into the bed alongside him, throwing the blanket over both of them and turning to face Jeno. When they were very young, barely a couple of months into training, Jeno had found Donghyuck quietly crying in his bed and had silently pushed in next to him, running a hand over his back and not saying anything until he finished crying. Since then, it’d become a habit to have all their important conversations like this, pressed up together in a tiny bed, facing each other. Jeno appreciates Donghyuck for remembering, for even thinking of him and taking time out of his no doubt busy day to come down to his dorm, but the thought of verbalising his feelings again makes him want to break out in hives. 

 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Jeno mutters and Donghyuck immediately makes a noise of annoyance. 

 

“Don’t pull that bullshit on me,” he says warningly. “We’ve got comeback in a month and you’ve been off your game for weeks now. I thought you’d get over it if I left you alone, but clearly not.”

 

“I don’t even know what to say,” Jeno says mulishly and instantly knows it was a bad move when he sees Donghyuck’s eyes darken.

 

“Fine then,” Donghyuck says. “Let’s talk about how you’ve been in love with two of our members for years, shall we?”

 

Jeno closes his eyes. “It hasn’t been years.”   
  


Donghyuck snorts. “That’s the point you want to argue, Jeno-yah?”

 

“What do you want to me say?” Jeno shoots back opening his eyes. “I don’t know what to do about it. Do you think it’s easy for me?”

 

It strikes Jeno then, how vastly different yet similar this conversation is to the one he had with Chenle only a few months ago. Chenle hadn’t pushed, hadn’t shoved into Jeno’s space with fiery eyes and demanded to know the truth, but the truth had come out anyway. He really is shit at keeping things to himself. 

 

“You could confess,” Donghyuck says and it falls like a bullet in the silence. 

 

Jeno lets out a incredulous laugh, but there’s nothing funny about it. “Are you serious?” He gapes at Donghyuck who only looks back at him silently. “That would ruin everything, I’m never going to do that.” 

 

“It would help you,” Donghyuck murmurs. 

 

“And it would ruin the group. Are you willing to risk our entire lives on something as trivial as this?” Jeno asks disbelievingly. “I’m not.”

 

“Your feelings aren’t trivial,” Donghyuck insists, but his expression softens and he tangles his legs with Jeno. “If you don’t want to, I won’t push you, but Jeno-yah, you can’t go on like this. It’s slowly killing you.”

 

Trust Donghyuck to hit the nail on its head so precisely. There was no other way to describe what Jeno’s going through, what he has been going through for a very long time. 

 

“I’m trying,” Jeno mutters and his voice cracks He ducks his head into his chest. He can’t stand talking about his feelings ever, and twice in a couple of months is too much exposure. The feeling in his chest tightens and he thinks he’s going to cry. 

 

“My Jeno,” Donghyuck sighs, wrapping his arms around Jeno and tugging him in close. Jeno lets him, he doesn’t mind the affection so much right now. “I’m so sorry you’re hurting.” 

 

Jeno makes a quiet noise as tears finally spill over onto Donghyuck’s shirt. Donghyuck doesn’t say anything, simply runs his hand up and down Jeno’s back soothingly, and drops a kiss to his hair and lets him cry. 

  
  


｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  


Jeno slams past a crowd of staff and he bows hurriedly in apology, tears already blurring his vision and stumbles to the nearest bathroom on pure muscle memory alone. It’s only when he’s finally locked in one of the stalls, does he allow the tears to spill over, thankful that they’ve already finished their stage. 

 

He hadn’t meant to see it, hadn’t meant to stumble into the unattended changing room to find Jaemin up on the makeup table, Renjun pressed against the edge with his hand wrapped in Jaemin’s pink hair, tugging his neck back to press his lips to the already bruising skin. He hadn’t meant to let the small gasp slip out of his mouth. 

 

Jeno tries to muffle his harsh breathing in his sleeve, uncaring of the way his lip stain runs messily over the white sleeve. 

 

The bathroom door opens, letting in the rush of voices that surrounds every backstage of music shows and Jeno shoves his fist in his mouth to stop any noises. 

 

“Hyung?” Chenle’s high voice filters in over the noise as the door shuts, leaving them in blissful silence. “I saw you come in here, please open the door.”   
  


Jeno leans his forehead against the grain of the door, and tries to calm his breathing. “I-I’m fine,” he gasps out, trying to stop hyperventilating. Trying to stop thinking of what he saw. 

 

“Please, hyung,” Chenle’s voice comes closer, so that he’s right on the other side. His voice is plaintive and Jeno finds himself fumbling for the lock, letting the door slide open. 

 

“Oh, hyung,” Chenle says softly and pulls Jeno into him. 

 

“I’m fine,” he forces out as he presses his face onto Chenle’s shoulder. When did Chenle get tall enough that Jeno could do this comfortably? “I’m not crying.”

 

“I know you aren’t,” Chenle whispers, running his hand down Jeno’s back. “I’m just going to be here though, okay?”

 

Jeno makes an awful noise into the fabric and tries to remember how to breathe. 

  
  


｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  


It gets better, slowly and achingly, like a bone regrowing in front of his eyes but it gets better. Jeno doesn’t feel like throwing up blood whenever he sees his friends together, doesn’t feel like there’s an anvil on his chest when they kiss in the dorms, more like a bowling ball, instead. He just ducks his head and moves on. 

 

They’re ramping up for their first comeback without Mark and Donghyuck stays plastered to him the entire time, wraps his noodle arms around Jeno’s waist, hugs him constantly. Jeno would be lying if he said he hated the contact. 

 

It gets easier slowly and slowly. Jeno wakes up in the mornings and he doesn’t dread getting out of bed anymore. Doesn’t feel the threat of tears at the back of his eyes anymore. He smiles easier, laughs louder, and dances as hard as ever.

 

It gets better and Jeno finds he doesn’t mind. 

  
  


｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  


It’s better. 

  
  


｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  
  


Weirdly enough, it’s Chenle who he ends up hanging out with most. They’re on a random day off, despite being so close to comeback and Donghyuck had been dragged away to a 127 schedule by an exasperated Mark that morning. Jeno finds himself wandering the side of the Han River, Chenle by his side, chattering about his latest trip back to China. 

 

Jeno hums, listening to Chenle tell him about his cousins, staring out at the setting sun casting golden fingers across the still water. Chenle’s hand slides into his easily, within one breath and the next and Jeno turns to look at him. Chenle’s lit up in the sun and he smiles widely at Jeno, eyes curving so prettily, Jeno forgets how to breathe in the next second. 

 

“What’s up?” He asks, swinging their hands gently between them.

 

Chenle hums, skipping over a crack in the sidewalk. “You’re less sad.” It’s not a question. 

 

Jeno feels a smile tug at the corner of his lips. “Yeah,” he swings their hands farther up into the air, smile widening when Chenle giggles. 

 

They walk along the curve of the river, long enough for the light to nearly fade, Chenle humming the melody to a song that exists only in his head. 

 

Jeno considers the pavement, the cracks spreading out like veins, grass peeking out in between them, growing even against all odds. “I’m not in love with them anymore,” he says so quietly he’s not sure Chenle’s heard. He’s not sure he even wants Chenle to hear. He just wants to say it out loud, for once, just to see how it feels. Nothing happens. His chest doesn’t tighten, his heart doesn’t break. He goes on breathing. 

 

Chenle doesn’t say anything, just tightens his grip around his fingers and pulls them to a stop for a second. There’s a moment of silence, blanketed by the cicadas thrumming around them and Jeno tilts his head in silent question at Chenle who’s gazing at him. Then Chenle smiles, like the sun rising again, sweet as ever, and tugs Jeno down along the river, skipping lightly. He doesn’t say a word, just starts humming the wordless song again. 

 

This time though, Jeno can just about make out the melody and he smiles, singing along.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> [jenle](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DjNzCjSVsAApMoy.jpg) [at](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DjNzCj2UYAAHjKK.jpg) [the](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DjNzI-zU8AA2uCL.jpg) [airport](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DjNzI_OVsAAHFGF.jpg)
> 
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